Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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