Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
