Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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