Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
