Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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