A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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