Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
