Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
