you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize