mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
