i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
