If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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