If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
