The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she woke up with a sticky ear
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
