i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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