i wish my penis had a tongue
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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