I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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