i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
