we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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