First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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