its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
