if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
