I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
