In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
