Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
