She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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