just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
