I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
