im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
