Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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