Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
