I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
