Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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