Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
