Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
