Where is the hickey?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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