Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
