i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
