Michael Bay diarrhea
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think your dad took our porno
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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