dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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