I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize