i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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