I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm like, not good at living.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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