I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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