I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
