I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
