Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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