Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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