he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
