So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
