where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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