Your dad touched me again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
