Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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