I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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