when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
