Where did you get a picture of my penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
