What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
