I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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