I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
