My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to be your penis for a week.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
