the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
