New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
