Ambien. No doubt about it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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