You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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