forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
