we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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