dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
