just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
