Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
