her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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