don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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