Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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