On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
