i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
