Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
