Jerry, you need to find god
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
