The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
