Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
