part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize