he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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