On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm like, not good at living.
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