I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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