OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
