is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
