As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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