I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Someone signed my nipple.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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