i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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