I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
